I am so sorry about your loss. When my sister in law went through this our local funeral home made the call to the veterans and got the information on the deceased veterans discharge, Form DD214, that enabled the deceased to have honor guard at the funeral. As far as ordering a headstone, in my research for my sister in law it said to complete VA Form 40-1330, Application for Standard Government Headstone. You may find useful info at
www.militaryconnections.com/burial_main.cfm. Again condolences in your loss.